Nathalie McClure
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Has your relationship survived Christmas?
| Posted on January 6, 2014 at 10:09 AM |
You may
have heard that early January is the busiest time of the year for divorce
lawyers. They report on average an increase of 30% in new enquiries post
Christmas/New Year break compared to the rest of the year. Relate, the leading
organisation providing relationship and couple counselling in the UK, also
records significantly higher than average calls and demand for appointments in
January than in any other month of the year. So why is
that? People have generally high expectations for this time of year, thinking
they will have a wonderful family time putting themselves and their loved ones
under a lot of pressure if things don’t go according to plan. Or you may have
to spend Christmas with your in-laws or other relatives you may or may not get
on with, creating tensions between you and your partner. Crucially, Christmas
is an idealised family time when couples are expected to spend their time
together with their children (and enjoy it!). The usual avenues for escaping or
hiding from a less than satisfactory relationship i.e. office, hobby, friends,
etc…, may not be available during that time, making it all the more obvious
that something has to change. In the
weeks leading to Christmas, I ask my clients if they are anxious about
Christmas. For the vast majority, the answer is yes. In this case, couples find
it helpful to explore those anxieties, whether stemming from previous negative
experiences or just worries that their still recovering relationship may
struggle under the added pressure. Discussing how they can support each other
and what they can do to make life easier for them during that time is key i.e.
if they are hosting and relatives are staying with them, what are the house
rules? When will the presents be opened? Is there a rota for cleaning up? Most
importantly, remembering that they are working as a team so that they, as a
couple, can have the best possible Christmas. Making sure they allocate a
little bit of time just for themselves away from the chaos tend to help too… If you feel
that, unfortunately, your relationship is not quite as good as it could or
should be, then help is available. Relationship counselling is a great resource
and can offer couples insights into what is happening with them and their
family, leading to opportunities for change.
|
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