Nathalie McClure
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Relationship Counselling for Couples and Individuals
Binfield Heath (Henley-On-Thames) RG9, Oxfordshire
Blog
Difficult transition to parenthood? You're not alone!
Posted on December 5, 2013 at 5:44 AM |
Did you know that 2 thirds of
couples experience a significant drop in relationship satisfaction after the
birth of their first baby? While for some couples, relationship satisfaction
will eventually recover, for most couples the low will persist. It does not
take a rocket scientist to identify the causes of such a drop: lack of sleep,
constant demands of a new baby, being stuck at home a lot of the time, lack of
freedom or spontaneity. But also, becoming a parent is a huge adjustment for
both partners, not only in terms of lifestyle and what they might want to
achieve in life, but crucially it sends one back to their own childhood i.e.
what kind of child they were, how was the parenting they received, what do they
want for their own child, what do they want to replicate and what do they want
to avoid.
Furthermore, research tells
us that it is the changes that men make to their behaviour during that
adjustment period that can significantly improve relationship satisfaction.
This appears surprising at first and definitely at odds with what happens the
rest of the time when trying to address relationship issues where efforts from
both partners are much more balanced. So why is that? In the majority of cases,
it is still the woman who is the partner staying at home to look after the baby
and therefore the most impacted by his/her arrival. As she struggles through
adjusting to her new life, to feelings of guilt that often come with motherhood
and to find her new identity as a woman and a mother, could it be that increased
understanding and support from her loving partner make all the difference?
It is fascinating to observe
what that one third of couples who successfully transition from childless
couple to parents do differently. The overwhelming difference is that these
couples work as a team. They are aware that they are in it together and must
work together to get through the bad nights etc. They acknowledge each other’s
contributions and support each other through thick and thin. And when,
inevitably at times, tempers run short, they try to repair the situation
quickly and don’t let anything fester.
There are many ways any
couple can learn to do this and, obviously, relationship counselling can help.
If you like books, a good starting point is “And Baby makes three” by John and
Julie Gottman (2007). The Gottmans are a real life couple of American relationship
therapists who have developed over the years a keen interest on how couples
handle the transition to parenthood. The book can be a bit cheesy at times but
offers lots of tools and tips parents can use or reflect upon.
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Fake Watches
6:58 AM on May 7, 2016
This appears surprising at first and definitely at odds with what happens the rest of the time when trying to address relationship issues where efforts from both partners are much more balanced.
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